can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
