just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
