her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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