I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
