Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
