but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We had to coat check the pizza.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
