No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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