So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
