I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
