..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
