Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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