he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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