Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
