Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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