So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
