Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
