did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I met the friendliest cop last night
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
