is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I currently don't understand fingers.
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