Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
