At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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