do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Randomize
