I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
