So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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