Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Everything about him screamed your future.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
we're so committed to being not committed
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
