He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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