he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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