ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
