so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
