sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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