There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
