your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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