Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
