Only a mothe r could love this liver
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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