Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
