i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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