i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
