i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
