Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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