so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
