i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
