I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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