I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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