wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
