Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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