Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
