you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize