nut hugger
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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