i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
