Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
