you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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